BOO, I scared you!

 HAPPY HAPPY OCTOBER!!!! This is my favorite month of the whole entire year..... I love halloween more than christmas end of story. This fall cool weather and sweaters makes everything so much better. I not only love October because halloween is here but I love it because it brings a ton of awareness to breast cancer. I challenge you this month to not only reflect upon breast cancer and the survivors and fighters but to also acknowledge other cancers, diseases, and injuries that effect a persons daily life. Some people's day may not be able to consist of a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks and acknowledging that and being thankful for even that coffee is huge. I am not saying do not enjoy that latte I am just saying cheers to those who may be having a hard day. I have been really focusing a lot lately on taking a step back from my very hectic life and thinking about things I am grateful for. It is hugely important to me to be humble and understand where I come from. I have not had the easiest life nor has many others and it helps to put life and my personal struggles into perspective. We are not alone, there is someone somewhere who has been through very similar hard days and it can be overcome and turned around. I think this thought process is harder said then done. I have been extremely stressed and stuck in a rut and I am trying to learn how to train my mind to not sink into those sad places. I am hoping to master this skill because I do have so much to be grateful for, and even though on some days I see no light at at the end of the tunnel, I am so blessed. I have gotten great at deep breathing exercises to calm my nervous down and have actually come more into tune with my emotions and on how to attempt to control my anxiety. Those dang tests get me every time. Nursing school has done lots of damage to me thus far. My heart rate probably stays at least 80 beat per minute even when resting because there is always something lingering in my mind that needs to be done. I have struggled with being too hard on myself and it is taking a tole on me while being in this program. Life is not over if I get a B over an A. That difference is not what is going to make or break me as a nurse. I am going to be a great nurse because I want it bad enough. I want to impact others badly enough. I have the heart, determination, and mind to do it. I need to stamp that saying on my forehead ;) ....that A is not gong to reflect it in real life my actions will. Once again..... easier said then done. Grades have always been such a big deal, and now in this program it is more about understanding the skill and treating the patient as a person not an identification number.  It is the weirdest feeling wanting something so badly and having the fear of failing in the back of your mind........
due to all this craziness and stress  things such as haunted houses, baking treats, watching hocus pocus etc gets me beyond pumped!!! I need the little things to keep me going...  so if you want to contribute I will love you forever! I really don't think you get how much I love halloween!!

PS: Petco is slacking this year and I have not yet found Reese (my amazing dog whom I will flaunt another day) a costume I like yet. any ideas for her???

 Here are some of her previous costumes ;) she is just the best.

The hair

Going back to my earlier post where I said I wake up and want to do things bigger and better. This was one of those things. I have seen others shave their head for cancer and was always inspired and just literally woke up one day and decided to go through the process. I feel so strongly about those going through such an awful disease because it hits home. I have had family members, friends, and friend's families deal with it and I wanted to continue to help in ANY way. What better way than to raise money AND give my hair to a beautiful woman. For me it has been a roller coaster of emotions super exciting, a little shock, some sadness, strength, and now excitement again. I realize that shaving my head was the best decision of my life. I have learned so much about myself and have learned how to stay true to my values as well. Trust me it is exhausting having to take in how others view you and what they mumble under their breath...its amazing how not having hair brings out stereotyping and judging. Those people don't understand the true meaning of giving and I hope one day they can feel how I feel after giving back to such a deserving population. I have had so much support and I want to say thank you to all who have loved me and been there every step of the way. My hair will grow back but I can't say the same for others and that literally hurts my heart. These individuals that have to fight for their lives daily these are the people who deserve all the love in the world. I feel so deeply for them and wish I could make their pain and suffering go away ( so does everyone in the world right) and since thats a little out of my scope I shaved my head to support them. I walk around with my head high supporting and loving those who are so brave and whom I admire more than anyone. You all are the definition of strength to me and you always have me praying and thinking about you. You ARE so beautiful inside and out, no matter what. Hair does not define you!! <3 

 ps: this hot summer has been nice with no hair and I get ready pretty dang fast ;)

Trying the blog thing out....

I have been wanting to start a blog ever since I shaved my head back in June for childhood cancer research. Of course life always happens and I thought "who would want to read about my journey?" but I really don't care if there is any one out there that reads this. I have so much going on in my head that I figured I would try to write my thoughts down and maybe they can be helpful to others. If anything writing my thoughts could help me sleep at night. The truth is I feel everything too deeply. My heart seems too big for this world. I allow myself to carry so much weight because I just care that much about others. I have this craving to impact people's lives. I wake up everyday wanting to do something bigger than what I did before. Sadly I do not have the money nor resources to make a change on a larger scale than I am now. Which I have grown to accept. I know that my time will come in life where I can do things on a larger scale so for now I take it day by day and do anything I can to make someones day a little better. I try not to judge others because I never know what the person next to me is going through. Lets be honest everyone judges and everyone makes comments in their head about others. My goal is to reverse that and try to see the good in people and train my mind to automatically see that good, not the bad. The outside of a person is not even close to who they truly are. We all have personas, so get over judging others. It is just a waste of your time!!

I should probably stop writing now :)
first blog ever done!!!!

G'night